Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
