We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
