if only i could text you this smell
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
