why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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