i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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