i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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