Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
