Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
