I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
