TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
COCAINE IS GR8
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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