Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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