I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
