Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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