happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
