i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
