Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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