you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
