Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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