when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
