I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
