need another drink. this is the easiest way
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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