I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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