i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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