Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
