Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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