Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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