Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
