Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
