watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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