i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
