Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
