UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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