Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
