Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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