I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
