The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
