Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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