Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
