I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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