I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
