remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
