I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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