i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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