I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
