Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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