Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
