I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
