we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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