help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Enjoy the penises
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
