I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
