so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
