What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
