I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
