my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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