The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
