Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
