I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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