I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
