Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
