"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
