At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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