She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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