I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
