apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
