I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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