And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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