I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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