I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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