Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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