I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
