I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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