he thought i was a dude.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
