Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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